its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
