I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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