She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize
