I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
