He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
