Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
