I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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