The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
