just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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