A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
