i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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