I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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