Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
