He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
