you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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