I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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