I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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