I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
