why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
