i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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