Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
