It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
