dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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