no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
