Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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