It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
