You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
