If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
