6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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