my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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