I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
