She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
