you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
