Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize