We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
