fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
