I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When are your genitals available?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
