Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
