You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
