I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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