my soul wont recognize me after tonight
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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