I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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