If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
