Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
