Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
