she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
