So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
