hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
