She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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