well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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