I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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