That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
