I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
