hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
