Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
