There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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