I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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