He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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