Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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