You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
