Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
