found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
