my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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