if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
