Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
