just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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