considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
